Everyone Else

Have you ever felt like the whole world is happy and you are not. Cuz I have, pretty much everyday. I walk through the halls of my school and look at people smiling, laughing and just being happy. And then there is me. I don't fit in anywhere; at school, with my family, and with the world. I feel like everyone has friends and just naturally fits in. I always have to try, really hard and 90% of the time it doesn't make a difference. I also get really panicky whenever I am around a lot of people. I kinda shut down and don't know what to do. Even if my family comes over for like thanksgiving or Christmas, I feel like I don't fit in. I am the youngest in my family (not counting my baby cousins) which really sucks. They are all at a different point in there life. They are going to university, getting jobs, getting married. And then there is me still in high school. There is nothing to talk about with me and I never feel like I belong.  At school I have one kind of friend. I feel like she kind of hates me though. It is like she is my friend when there is no one better to talk to. But as soon as someone more popular comes she would leave me in a heartbeat. Which leads me to my next person. My friend who is a boy. We met in grade 2 and we HATED each other. He left the school one year (I think grade 5, possibly?) and then he came back. In grade 7 we realized we both walk home the same way. So I guess we kind of became friends. But we never talked in school because people picked on us if we did. They would think we were dating. Soon we were dating but it was excusive. He was the one making it exclusive. This made me feel like he didn't really want too. Soon I found out he didn't actually want to. He dated me because he was desperate. He literally said that. About a year later we were friends again and idk why I forgave him. I started to like him recently and I tried to give him hints. Eventually I just asked him. He said ok but exclusive. This really made me mad because I know he is embarrassed to be with me. So now I'm not talking to him. Another person who doesn't want to be around me YAY! :(

Thanks

"What doesent kill you makes you stronger"

-Me